Andy and Al’s Big Adventure

We’ve been in Chiang Mai for ages, so this is a big, big post. Have patience, it gets entertaining somewhere along the way, I think:

We boarded the train in Bangkok and settled in for our 14 hour journey to Chiang Mai. Fortunately for us the two fellas who were sleeping in the berths beneath us were fellow Brits and keen on making the journey more pleasurably through alcohol consumption. Nick and Dave proved to be hardy companions, drinking the entire cabins supply of Singha and providing Andy and I with witty banter and many a card game.

Come eleven o’ clock, the rest of the coach had tired of our noisy antics and we hit the sack. Waking the next morning and wondering why I’d been freezing all night, I realised that we’d paid for an aircon coach and not fan. Dumbass. School-boy error that should have been avoided. Ho hum.

Arriving fairly early in Chiang Mai we set about getting our bearings. The city centre is confined to a 1 mile square surrounded on all sides by either a wall, a moat, or both. Turns out, some King dude set up Chiang Mai as his seat in the 13th Century. This wall and moat provided the defence for the city. The place is full of temples, and has some pretty ornate buildings too, but mostly run-of-the-mill overnight concrete wonders. It’s pretty lively and there’s always something going on. Only a few hours after arriving, Andy and I caught the end of a three-day flower festival in the southwest of the city. After a stroll through the park and a solid meal of fried chicken and sticky rice (a northern specialty in Thailand) we headed back to the guesthouse and readied for the evening.

Some of the awesome local food.

One thing that attracts many visitors to Chiang Mai city is the night bazaar. It’s quite simply massive and dirt cheap. Unfortunately the bloated tourist prices can cause problems for the ill-prepared and the constant rattle of bangles carried by faux tribes-women can drive you insane. These stalls seem to sell all of the same crap that they sell at any other stall in Thailand. Some of it is quite nice, but there’s only so many times you can tell a dude “No. I’m not interested in buying a large, hand-carved elephant”.

So nearing the end of day one, and being true to form, Andy returned to the guest-house for a shower and I went in search of beer. I ended up at Rasta Bar talking to fella named Boy. He was quite keen on designing the new tattoo I’ve been thinking about. Alas, our time in Chiang Mai would be too short lived to have it done, so we scoured the city for the lively haunts. I woke the next day with a Changover, so I’m assuming we were successful in our search.

The next day we went looking for a trek through the outskirts of Thailand, which is the main reason why travellers come up to Chiang Mai. Speaking with the travel agent, On, who was to become a good friend and our sole provider of outings and discounted entertainment in Chiang Mai, we booked a 3-day trek through the hills of Wiang Haeng near the Burmese border in Mae Hong Son province. And at a good price too. Upon leaving the agents we bumped into a lovely lady called Ditte from Denmark. She’d being toying with the idea of a day trip to one of the local landmarks but didn’t enjoy the price tag much. She asked if we’d care to join, and since we had nothing better to do, and it’s only right to aid a lady in distress we gallantly replied “yeah awright”.

We jumped in the back of a Songthaew, a cross between a taxi and a bus, and headed for Doi Suthep, the most impressive temple in the region. They say that you can see all of Chiang Mai city from the mountain where Doi Suthep lies, but the pollution had other ideas that day, and we could barely see the horizon. Either way, the temple was pretty cool and the 300-odd steps up to the complex made it seem all the more grand. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but when you’ve seen one temple, you’ve seen them all.

After an hour of temple bashing, we sidled back down the mountain to grab a bite to eat. Exchanging stories and experiences, we were having a great time and decided that an evening soiree was on the cards. Cue beer. Now, in my defense, I wasn’t planning on going to another sex show, honestly your honour. Ditte was disappointed that she’d never been to such a place, claiming that she hadn’t the stones to go it alone either. Well, what could we say? We did the honourable thing and located the seediest dive in Chiang Mai and broke Ditte’s sex-show cherry with flare. We sampled two fine establishments and had a whale of a time, but when a dancer became very friendly with Ditte, she quickly became tired of the scene and favoured a more relaxed pace, and I was quite frankly relieved; the sex shows had not improved upon Bangkok’s prices or entertainment value. Oh yeah, and we also had time to fit in a foot massage and a spot of Muay Thai (Thai boxing) too. All in all a busy day.

Check out the Trekking in Wiang Haeng post for all that guff. Stick around here for more Chiang Mai shenanigans.

When we got back from the trek, a few of us met for some drinks on the night, as you do. Andy and I, with a party of 5 ladies, hit a few of the bars and drank the odd Chang or twelve. As the night progressed it turned out that they’d never been to a Go-Go bar before. And so it goes, blah blah blah, bikinis, blah, banana, blah, ping pong balls… Honestly, I was beginning to feel like a tour guide to these damn shows. I should charge! Well that’s the last time…no more. I’m no pimp!

Now then, feeling keen to move on from Chiang Mai, Andy and I returned to see On, our friendly travel agent and have a talk about Laos. We’ve since learnt that you can collect a Laos visa at the border, but at the time we thought we’d get one in advance, and a Vietnam one whilst we’re in the mood. The Vietnam visa takes a while, leaving Andy and I stranded in Thailand until the 21st Feb. Nuts.

It turns out that On was moving to a new office that same day, and in true Thai style she was celebrating by hosting a party complete with karaoke. Though we didn’t sing, we did attend and have a few Changs. Her husband, Peter I think, suggested that we kill our time in Chiang Mai by getting a couple of bikes and heading out of town and on the night we should escape the tourist infested city for the area surrounding the university, where all the the cool locals hang out in bars. Wasting no time, Peter gave us a lift to Ninmanhemin Rd. where several of the student hotspots could be found. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people crammed into a room before, not to mention how flawlessly turned out they all were. Throughout the whole night I think I spotted two non-Thai guys. We really had found the Thai night scene.

Well, it goes without saying that Andy and I returned to Ninmanhemin Rd. This time we explored a little more and found ourselves in a bar, whose name we couldn’t pronounce, and completely surrounded by young Thai folk. This time we really were the only white guys, and it felt pretty cool. You begin to ignore the odd stare, and the occasional snigger about your unnatural height and hair colour. Not wanting to stand out any more than we already did, we followed Thai suit when ordering the drinks and shot straight for the whiskey. As in many Asian countries, the way to drink with your mates is to gather around a table with a bottle of whiskey, a bucket of ice, and a few sodas. The bottle is then passed from person to person until its dead. Then you simply get another.

After nine-tenths of a 4 year old bottle of 100 pipers, Andy and I were rightly stewed. The night was still young so we wisely left behind the remaining one-tenth. We headed to Warm Up, where we’d been the night before and danced the night away. I had miraculously avoided a complete whiskey-wipeout, but Andy was not so fortunate. When he started dancing to Fifty Cent I knew we were in trouble. Within the space of seconds Andy’s face turned from a “whoa dude this is so much fun” to “time to go home”. And home we went. A good night me thinks…Andy was not so keen to comment the following morning.

Following the success/disaster of the whiskey night we started to look at alternative ways of spending our time in Thailand. So off to On’s we went in search of ideas. That idea was Pai.