I eventually got my ticket to the coast and set off at 10pm later that night. I arrived at the docks at 5 the next morning, having to endure the usual crap karaoke music and millions of potholes and reststops where the driver would bark at me to get out. Not knowing where I was and where I was going I was relieved when a guy sorted out my boat ticket for me and pointed me in the direction of the docks where a pack of barking dogs were waiting for me.

Superwhat??!

I waited a while for the boat in the crowd pushing queue and eventually got on, albeit grumpy and tired. I slept through freezing air con and karaoke music to find myself at the island. Brilliant timing. Unfortunately for me, there were no turtles there and Phu Quoc Island was in fact, Gay Island. Yes, lots of gay Vietnamese guys working in bars and clubs and boring old honeymoon couples walking along the dirty beaches. The main attraction on the island was supposed to be a fish sauce factory. Yup, a stinking factory that makes some kind of famous fish juice.

It was difficult to hang out with anyone on the island since it was mainly old people and honeymooners, but on the first day I got talking to some girls on the beach and headed out later that night to Eden Bar, the only bar on the island that seemed to stay open late and play music. The girls were flying out the next day so left early (nothing to do with being in my company I might add) I was drunk so I thought I’d have a few more drinks.. well, it turned out that the drinks I was getting were on the house. How could I refuse? Only thing was, the bar owner and the manager were quite camp and I quickly suspected, gay.

The next night I went back to the bar hoping to meet some new people to hang out with.. there wasn’t anyone - the place was dead. Once again I was plyed with free drinks from the local gayboys and got drunk until the point where I started to think ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch’ and scarpered back to my guest house, beyond the woods in the pitch black and past the derelict buildings where the boys go cottaging (yes, it happens over here too!)

Running blindly through the woods fearing for the virginity of my arse I eventually got back to my room and bolted the door behind me. I felt good, hadn’t drunk too much this time and I wasn’t locked up in some dungeon with men with oranges in their mouths. The room wasn’t spinning and I had a clear head.. until about an hour later I got a really weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and I could feel the bile rising. I instantly vomited for no reason all over myself. ‘Oh, well that’s weird’ I thought.. until again, I was sick but this time I ran into the bathroom and managed to hurl into the toilet and onto the floor.

After 8 hours of explosive bowels and projectile vomiting I decided I had to get rehydrated and see a doctor. I literally crawled out of my room because I felt so weak and walking only made me vomit. I asked the daughter of the guest house owner for some water. After a few sips I climbed onto my moped and rode very leisurely into the town to get an ice cream. Why? I have no fucking clue, I just wanted one and thought It’d be safe. I got in and ordered my ice cream and after a few spoons was back on the toilet being sick. A French sex-pat who was married to the owner took pity on me and showed me the way to the hospital and told them all what was wrong with me. Turns out he had the same sickness himself last week.

A week later after being room bound I was glad to be leaving the hell hole. I got on the boat which was once again freezing and listened to Karaoke music at a thousand decibels. There was a woman next to me chewing on a really smelly root spitting in a bag and an old man on my other side with a mouth full of chocolate coloured teeth. Not far from me was a man with his leg in a splint, bleeding from a giant break in his leg all over the floor. Nearly4 hours later the boat docked.
On the minibus back, I met a guy called Brad who shared my annoyance of the loud music and spitting and eating on buses. I managed to save him a couple of quid by arguing his price down as the bus driver tried to charge him double. I told the driver he was full of shit. By the time we got back Saigon, the floor was totally covered in sticky food and rubbish and I had developed tinitus from the unecessary music.

The Cu Chi tunnels themselves were dark, stifling holes - not for the claustraphobic! The ones we were in were said to be quite big compared to the normal ones surrounding the area. Most people here, including myself were too small for the tunnels!

I probably spent more time than I should have in Saigon. I was already travel weary after Cambodia and all I wanted to do was rest and be lazy. So I did..

To view the gallery for this blog, go here

We went to the Lakeside area of the city which seemed a good idea at the time but later I’d realise that in the long run, cheap is not necessarily good. The lakeside area does nothing for backpackers in Cambodia but make them hurry off to their next location as soon as possible. There are a lot of narrow streets there, populated mostly by kids selling books carried in baskets around their necks and the most annoying tuk tuk drivers known to man. I may sound harsh because this is a poor country after all but these guys are so god damn annoying and so stupid! There’ll be a whole row of them down the street and they’ll all ask you the same questions, regardless of what you said to the last tuk tuk they saw you pass. “you want tuk tuk?” “tuk tuk?” “smoke?” “opium?” “tuk tuk??” After you pass about 12 of these to get to the main street away from the lakeside there are more waiting for you only here, they crowd around you and argue and undercut each other.

Anyway that’s only half of the annoying things about Phnom Penh. You have to remember that not so long ago, the rule of the Khmer Rouge ruined their country and made it as poor as it is today. Many people struggle here and you can’t blame people for trying to make a living although over here, you see true desperation. Tuk tuk drivers will do anything to make money out of you. On several occassions we agreed on our destinations only to be taken somewhere else and then asked for more money for petrol to take us where we actually wanted to go!

We went out that night with Dave, Laura, Annalise and the two Dutch girls to a cool little restaurant. The food came out one meal at a time and took about 1 and a half hours to all come out which for SE Asia was pretty quick! This is one of the funny things about South East Asia that you quickly get used to, meals never come together if you’re eating out in a group. You get it when it’s ready! It also turned out that night that this girl we knew called Kim (an annoying 19 year old from England) had dengue fever. Unlucky.

Over the next few days we visited the usual sights for the area, including the s21 prison and the killing fields. We were all a bit unsure about the history of the area as no one really talks about it. It only happened 30 years ago where Pol pot started a revolution that ended in 2 million deaths of Cambodians turning friends and family against each other, brainwashing people to kill in the most horrific ways imaginable. We watched a video of how a family struggled through the regime and how a mother lost both her son and daughter. It was all sad to watch and learn about but the worst came when you walked around the museum as they displayed the pictures of the people who were tortured and killed. Some photos were of children as young as 4 or 5. The Kymer Rouge believed that as they were orphans of “criminals” killed under the regime, they would grow up to be dangerous. Very sad stuff. A stark contrast to the wonders of Angkor Wat in Siem Reap to the harsh realities of life after the regime.

We also went to see the Russian markets, where we bought small gifts and nik naks and sat and drank fresh orange juice at one of the restaurants inside. I’ve no idea why it’s called the Russian Markets but they had literally everything.

In no way was Cambodia the most dangerous of places to drive in the world, I’d give that award to India or Vietnam but it’s always amusing when you see scenes like this:

In my final days in Cambodia I said goodbye to two of my good friends I’d travelled with through Laos and Cambodia; the lovely Annalise who was heading off to climb a mountain in India and to the lovely Laura, my first proper friend I met out whilst travelling on my own

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

She was heading back out to Thailand to see her sister. Still, when you say goodbye to someone when you travel, invariably you’ll be saying hello to someone else! In this case it was Al. I had an email from him saying he was staying Lakeside and as it turned out, right next door! He’d made his own little pirate crew during our separated travels so all was well. Our last night in Cambodia was spent at the ‘Heart of Darkness’ A very dark place indeed on the Riverside! Men were outnumbered by cheap easy (very dirty skanky) women about 10 to 1. Whilst Dave was getting lucky with a cute girl we met just hours before, I was stuck with her mentally inbalanced New Yorker rich bitch friend. After I ditched her and the other loons in the Heart of Darkness, I went home for 1 hours of sleep before getting on the bus with Dave to Vietnam! I later found out that Dave didn’t get lucky with the girl after all, thus my boring efforts of talking to her friend were all for nothing!

And so off we went to Vietnam, where I would become lonely, get food poisoning, get harrassed by gay barmen, get lost, become bored and finally get to taste Fanny ice cream (yes, it’s a real ice cream)

If you’d like to see more pictures from the gallery for this blog, head to this link: http://picasaweb.google.com/Andypol/PhnomPenh

As you may have noticed, it’s been a while since I blogged anything. Why? I’ll get to that. There’s plenty of stories to tell, but there is enough space on this site to write about half of them even. So, here’s the important stuff:

I’m still alive. I’m in Vietnam. Since I last wrote, I have travelled out of Laos, back to Thailand, through Cambodia, and am now striding north. What’s the plan? There is no plan!

Andy and I are no longer two halves of the dynamic travelling duo of the past. Why? I’ll get to that. I think he is in Australia now, but I can’t be sure.

When I last wrote I was heading to Louamphrabang in Laos. That’s exactly what I did. I hung around there for a few days, had a few beers with some good Irish friends Sarah and Rachael (heya guys). We paddled in some simply stunning waterfalls and lagoons. I ate some great food, and marvelled at the French colonial architecture. I attended a wedding party and drank Mekong whiskey with the locals (before a fight broke out, that is). Oh, and I managed to find a copy of Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. All in all a successful few days. After Louamphrabang things begin to move pretty quickly.

We all head south to Vang Vieng. This town functions entirely as a resting place for all those who want to go Tubing. The principle behind tubing is simple. Take a huge inner tube from a lorry. Sit in the afformentioned inner tube and float down a river. Drink beer whilst floating. Easy. The river is lined with bamboo bars with rope swings and zip-lines. People are jumpin in and out of the river with bottles of Beer Lao in hand, and trying to avoid any serious injuries. I sustained slight injuries to my feet when using them to hang from the largest swing along the river. Everyone thought it was awesome though, so it was completely worth it.

After Vang Vieng we went to the capital, Vientiene. There is nothing to say about the place. There is nothing to do. Normally when you hit a city, it’s time to start drinking in the bars, hitting the clubs and making friends with the locals (including all those lovely ladies). But, Laos has a damned cerfew. You can’t party when the bars start closing their doors at 10:30! Sorry Laos, but you need a better capital!

Here’s where the story gets interesting (at least I think so). What I haven’t mentioned is that upon leaving Thailand I caught an infection in my gums surrounding my wisdom teeth. It hurt. The Ibuprofen given to me before leaving was making me feel pretty rough and I was starting to have pains in my stomach. I decided that Laos wasn’t the best place to get all of these things sorted out and decided to fly back to Thailand where the medical services are much better.

So, I flew to Chiang Mai which had become my second home in Asia pretty much. My old friend from Koh Tao, Junia, was ready and waiting to take care of me. I gave myself a week to recover. My gums had improved no end by this point, but I still went to the clinic for a solid M.O.T. Turns out that the gums were fine. The antibiotics had done the trick. The stomach on the other hand wasn’t so good. A peptic ulser. Nasty. And for good measure I had contracted another, miscellaneous, virus that was adding to my general funk.

So, I lay back, ralaxed and let the week pass by. I got drunk a few times (against doctors orders of course) and met some pretty cool people. In the same guest house were Shota and Toshi, two hilarious Japanese dudes passing through on their own tour of Asia. In all there time in Thailand they hadn’t sampled the delights of a bucket (a huge bucket of vodka redbull essentially). You’re simply not allowed to come to Thailand and not have a bucket…I think it’s against the law. I’m proud to have remedied that situation for them. Whilst out on the lash I bumped into the screen actor Paul Schulze. For those that don’t know him, he played Ryan Chappelle in 24 and Father Phil Intintola in The Sopranos. He was in town filming the new Rambo movie. I didn’t meet Sly though. Then, I left Chiang Mai. And Thailand.

I headed south through Bangkok and across to the Cambodian border. Andy meanwhile was flying and I was in a race to catch up. I travelled non-stop for 30 hours or more without any sleep along some of the worst roads, scratch that, dirt tracks and arrived in Siam Riep, north Cambodia.

I’d hate to summarise Cambodia, because it rocks. But, looking at the length of this blog is boring me already. Nutshell: Angkor Wat can be found in Siam Riep. It is by far the most impressive and beautiful thin I have ever seen (with the exception of some of the local women). It is simply stunning and the photos do it more justice than my ramblings. I watched the sun rise over Angkor Wat with my new friends, Lars, Christian, Phil, and Jacob. I was blown away!

After Siem Riep I slid down the Mekong river to Phnom Penh. Now this is a capital city that I could get used to. Lying in a hammock overlooking the river by day, tarted up and hitting the clubs by night. Awesome.

Then it was off to Sihanouk Ville on the coast. This place was really quiet and rife with prostitutes. Not so good. But it was going to be my birthday that week so we made our own entertainment. I partied hard. Maybe too hard. I was damaged but proud of my efforts. Suffice it to say, I won’t ever have a birthday quite like that again!

Right. That’s it. I’m bored beyond belief writing all of this stuff. Since Sihanouk Ville, the new team headed through Phnom Penh to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. Cue 11 days of city debauchery. Then we hit the beach in Nha Trang. Now I’m in Hoi An and about to leave for Danang.

It’s not a very interesting story I know. Sorry for rushing it, but when you’re in Vietnam surrounded by friends and relaxing in the sun, this blog stuff is very very tedious.

Until next time. Fin.

Oh, and a couple of days ago Phil and I were hit by a car in Hanoi. Ouch. I’m okay though…always am.

As always, the first night in a new place is spent relaxing and checking the place out.

The Angkor What? bar that we frequented in Siem Reap

12th March - We were so excited, this would probably be the highlight of coming to Cambodia, going to see Angkor Wat, South East Asia’s most impressive temple complex - built in the 12th Century for the King. We bought ourselves a 3 day pass and I’m so glad we did. The site is absolutely huge and took us a few days to look around. I think a week pass would have been better though as there was still a lot I could have seen..

We saw the Angkor Wat first which was a massive enclosed stone temple. This was probably the busiest site. There were murals and reliefs everywhere and the fine details on every single wall was amazing.

The room of 1000 buddhas

Impressive eh?

After spending several hours around Angkor Wat we decided to take a look at the surrounding temples. Luckily, we hired a tuk tuk for the day which took us around the various sites. Some other travellers we met had left their bicycles at Angkor Wat and decided to walk it which took them most of the day! The other temples were miles away. Whilst walking through the temples you do get accosted by small children trying to sell you books and postcards. It’s a sad thing to see - they should be at school or at the least playing but they’re often made to work for their parents. I would have liked to have bought a book but I know it’s probably wrong. Even in the city, it happens whilst you’re eating or drinking and then you feel even worse!

This temple was actually used in the Tomb raider film.. the one which my wife stars, Angie

I have so many pictures of Angkor Wat, you should really have a look at them in the gallery if you’re interested in seeing more!

Partway through one of the ruins I heard music and went to investigate! It was a landmine victim band who played to earn money despite their obvious disabilities. Me and Dave went and tried to jam but had we continued it probably would’ve started to rain.

We spent a good while with these guys and I was glad to know that they were making a real life for themselves. There are a lot of beggars out on the streets here and these guys teach and train music and other skills to make people employable once again.

After a whole day of Angkor Wat we were exhausted. We hadn’t had a bite to eat all day and we decided to go out and have an Indian meal and maybe a few pints before bedtime. I was starving. Halfway through my meal I felt something tickling my hand. Turning it over to have a look I saw the biggest fucking cockroach ever. Waving my hands and yelping in panic the cockroach seemed to fly somewhere behind me, thankfully not on someone elses table! Funny thing is, no one else saw the cockroach so everyone just thought I was a loon. We went to the Angkor What?, a bar covered in graffiti by the customers. I even left my own words of wisdom there on a wall by the toilet. I’m such a rebel. Some big guy - lager swilling English lout there called Jon was a source of amusement for all as we watched as he tried to seduce Laura by stroking her arm. We left shortly after.

Leaving the bar (about 3 am), we were attacked by homeless children and landmine victims. One kid who only had one leg wouldn’t let me get back on the tuk tuk home. These kids had real problems and were actually quite aggressive in trying to get money from people. I quickly outsmarted the little shit and walked to the other side of the tuk tuk where a 15 year old girl with a baby started to smack me with her fists. Okay! Perfect end to the night!? Well almost, when we got back to our room, I watched in bewilderment as Dave was trying to plug in a charger and got electrocuted. Hehe.

My journal’s a bit incomplete for this week so I’m not sure what happened each day but I remember the last day. The last day in Siem Reap was a big day. For breakfast/lunch we decided to go to a restaurant called the butterfly garden which is filled with butterflies. The restaurant pays villagers for bringing butterflies to them which helps local communities.

We’d been to Angkor Wat a few times and decided to see a temple some 20km out of the city. Me, Annalise, Dave, Laura and a girl from Belgium (forget the name sorry) got a tuk tuk and motorbike together and set off only to get 2 miles down the road and get a flat. Great. After about 40 minutes in the heat and the tyre repaired we continued on our journey for about 20 yards and the tyre went flat again.. Oh the joy.

After a while we were back on our way to the temple. This temple was as grand as the rest but older and cordened off in some places, something which none of the other temples had.

Ok, I know I did this before back in Thailand, but I was itching to do it again. Me, Dave and Annalise decided to go shoot some guns! We’ve heard stories over here that in some parts they’ll let you shoot guns and for an extra price let you blow up animals! Thankfully this wasn’t one of those shooting ranges. It was a range run by the military using up their weapons surplas from the war over 30 years ago. Looking at our menu, i.e. a wall! we decided we’d go with the AK-47 - every terrorists favourite toy, M16 - Rambo gun, M1 garand (WWII rifle) and a chinese handgun.

Ok, can I have that one and that one and that one?

With the M16 I didn’t hit a single thing. The recoil on this monstrosity was immense and pushed me back a few inches. The AK was equally bollocks but the M1 rifle, even though it’s sight was missing was suprising accurate. For a 60 year old gun without a sight (it was broken off) I mananged to hit the target at 50 meters using all my shots. I think they wanted me to join their ranks after my little display of markmanship.

Now, isn’t that the coolest thing ever????!?!!!

If there’s one thing more fun for a guy than firing a gun, it’s dressing up and playing soldiers which is exactly what me and Dave did, much to the amusement of the other soldiers!

Actually, the pictures you’re about to see are real ones shot by journalists in the field.
Me and Dave, fighting communism. Complete with sound effects.

Bah, these were too expensive to fire! Knowing my aim though I probably would’ve missed and hit a school.

Our last stop for the day was at the landmine museum. Not a major attraction for tourists but still probably one of the most informative and interesting. Also the most upsetting. The museum was started by Akira, a former khmer rouge boy soldier who at the age of 6 started laying hundreds of land mines across Cambodia. Now, his work involves finding and diffusing mines for free whilst the West charges something like $300 to diffuse each one.

We were greeted by Chet a young guy who lost a leg as a child and through working at the museum got his life back on track and became an artist and musician. He took us around the grounds and showed us diffused mines and explained the damage they’d cause. All really grim stuff and it’s so hard to believe that there are still hundreds of thousands of the things still about in the countryside.

The museum was filled with lots of sad stories of death and loss, more profound was that the museum floor was filled with diffused mines that Akira’s work had produced.

Chet was good on the keyboard but even better were his paintings which told of life in Cambodia. I wish I took pictures of them as they were amazing and since art materials are so expensive it’s unlikely he can really continue with it. This was our sad end to a very long day!

I took an overnight bus to Pakse, a stopover point to the south and had to endure waking up at 6am to loud karaoke music and the driver deciding to turn on the lights inside the bus. Not impressed!  At this point I met a Dutch girl called Analise who I also travelled around with for a couple of weeks! She was a great laugh!

Having spoken to 2 other travellers, Laura and Ross from England, I decided to carry on travelling south to Don Det via Champassak in the 4000 Islands. After a couple of hours by tuk tuk and a boat with the locals I finally arrived and checked into a guesthouse for one night there where it pissed it down. It almost reminded me of home!

On the 7th of March we took a big tuk tuk (with the locals again) to Don Det, a small island to the south. I met some other travellers on the tuk tuk who I stayed and travelled with for several weeks. Dave, the canadian who looks like Mr T (the white version minus the attitude!) and two americans called Frank and Annie.

Laura, Dave and me..

One of the most common things about Asian people on public transport is that they like to vomit.. a lot (well maybe “like” is not the right word). I don’t know why they’re so rubbish at being sick, I suppose it’s got something to do with the fact that they stuff their faces with food whilst travelling. At one point I noticed some strange white droplets on my feet and flip flops - it was sick from the girl next to me. She was sick all over someones groceries too. Dave kindly wiped it off for me using his sleeve, at this point I also discovered that Laura had a phobia of sick. Hehe great!

I spent the next few days in Don Det relaxing in a hut made from wood and leaves with no lights. As ever in Laos, everywhere closes at 11 but I’m glad in a way as late nights would really spoil this place. I had a great time there. One day we decided to walk and see a waterfall which was really impressive but incredibly dangerous. Unlike the waterfalls before, you couldn’t really swim in these as the current was incredibly fast and strong. The biggest disappointment was going to see the dolphins. We went on a boat and saw about 2 but they were really far away. The person sailing the boat would point out dolphins that only he could see for the most part..

The place had lots of character and the locals were really friendly. All the kids would say hello to us and I could really feel how hospitable everyone here was. The owner of the guesthouse we were staying in even showed us how to milk his cat! One of the nights whilst walking outside I saw the most amazing night sky! There was no moon and there seemed to be about a billion stars I’d never seen before filling in all the dark spaces. Was truly amazing but short lived as once the moon appeared, the stars disappeared..

Sunset in Don Det

We left for Cambodia on the 10th. I’d run out of money and there was no atms in sight so Laura very generously lent me some US dollars which also act as currency in Cambodia. I didn’t have a Visa so I had to get one at the border. I also had to pay some “extra” cash to the border officials as they were working overtime - basically a bribe of sorts, 2$ to leave Laos and $2 to enter Cambodia.. corruption bleh!

Goodbye Laos… Hello Cambodia!

So what’s the plan, then? At 10:00am we jump into another air-con minibus. Everyone knows the routine; lob your bag in the back, climb on board, claim your territory, and prepare your backside to feel every corner, pothole, and stone in the road for the next five hours or so. We wave goodbye to Junia and the guest house and settle down for the next four hours or so (by the way, I’m terrible at remembering travel times so it could have been 30mins or half a day for all I know).

Passing through Chiang Rai we head for Chiang Khong, the Thai border town along the banks of the Mekong River. Here we wait for an hour preparing visas and such. We introduced ourselves to Sarah and Rachel (I don’t know how to spell Rachel), two Irish gals that we making the same journey into Laos. You’ll here more about them later.

Looking into Laos from Chiang Khong, Thailand.

Meanwhile, we cross the Mekong and enter Laos with no hassle or ceremony to a place called Houayxay. There is nothing to do here, and I mean nothing. It’s simply a transit stop on the way to the good stuff further south. We change some money, walk around for 20mins, have a bite to eat, and then sleep. It’s an early start of 08:00 the following morning.

It’s probably a convenient time to mention the new injury I had sustained prior to the journey into Laos. I say it’s an injury, but it’s more of an infection. My gums had swollen around my wisdom teeth just days before leaving Chiang Mai. There wasn’t enough time to have the teeth pulled before I left so I opted for the anti-biotic approach. My first few days in Laos find me preoccupied with pain, and maybe a little slow from all the Ibuprofen I was gulping down. This wasn’t so good considering I was about to embark on a two day trip down the Mekong on a loud, slow and very uncomfortable boat.

Boatin’. Day one.

The trip was actually okay for me. During the first day I sat off the side of the boat which was far better than the miniature pews they had installed inside. I listened to Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour and read my book. The second day wasn’t so good. That night we had a stop over in Pakbeng. Here we discovered that Laos was not as cheap as we’d hoped for. Since there are only a handful of places to visit in Laos, the locals have you over a barrel when it comes to prices because they know you have no choice. The guest house was not sparkling by any standards, and my phone was nicked from the room. The thief kindly left my SIM card behind along with my iPod and camera which sat adjacent! Idiot…

End of day one.

Another early start the next day. We joined Sarah and Rach again on the back of the boat and settled in for more pain. This time I wasn’t allowed to sit on the side of the boat and was confined to the floor inside. I finished my book (Will Self’s How the Dead Live which I can recommend but it isn’t his finest work) and my iPod was running low. I switched to a Jeremy Clarkson book called I Know You Got Soul (sorry Steve, but it was actually quite good). But it was short lived and I finished that in a day too. Not to worry though. We were a few hours from Louangphrabang and the views are pretty tasty.

The start of day 2. The Mekong at 08:00.

But then we broke down…A member of the crew came running from the back of the boat covered in oil. The fuel line had broken leaving us drifting towards the river bank. We casually plowed into the soft silt and came to rest without a care in the world. It was a great opportunity to stretch my legs, so it was all good really.

Day two. Beached.

And then finally we reach Louangphrabang around 19:00 (I think). Guest houses were hard to find initially, because they all seemed pretty steep. This happens everywhere we go really; You spend 30 minutes or so searching for something cheaper, but come to realise that they’re all priced the same and you may as well settle for the first you can find.

Louangphrabang is a pleasant French colonial town sat quietly alongside the Mekong. A lot of French influence can still be found, such as having a baguette with every meal. There’s are a few temples to be seen around the town and an excellent view from the central hill. The downside was the cost. The town had featured in a list of top destinations a few years back. Since then the place is overrun by travellers such as myself and a few more of the middle-aged couple variety too. I guess the more wealthy visitors could afford a meal for 35, 000kip, forcing the prices up perhaps.

And so begins the story of Louangphrabang…

The nicest thing about arriving in Vang Viene was the fact that for the first time in nearly 7 weeks we found a really decent, really cheap guesthouse. 40,000 kip which is about 2 quid for a twin! The first thing you notice however, is that the area is incredibly touristy with restaurants playing dvds of friends and the simpsons. Needless to say, I loved it here! That night we chilled out with some bears and went for a curry at Nazim’s which was probably one of the best I’ve ever had. Ever.
The next day we decided to try out the thing that everyone comes to Vang Viene for.. TUBING!! We met up with Sarah and Rachel, the Irish girls and booked our tubes and dry bags and got on the tuk tuk to the Song river. Al, being the most unfortunate of whatever activity he partakes managed to pick the smallest tube in the world much to our amusement and we got into the river and proceeded for about 50 yards to the first riverside bar. We stayed there for about an hour drinking BeerLao (an amazingly good cheap beer, designed and brewed by Germans for Laos) and riding the zipline into the cool river.

As you can see from the photo, Al was doing his Jesus impression!

Uh, maybe not then.

One of the coolest parts of the tubing was when we got further down the river to find massive swings which went out over the river. Now, the rational part of my brain was telling me “yeah, it’s high but it’s relatively safe. You can do it Andy!” But it took me a good half an hour and a couple of BeerLao before I got the courage to do it. I was shitting myself! If you don’t think it’s that much of a big deal or it wasn’t that high, dear reader, then take a look at these next pictures!

(above) No, this isn’t a screenshot from Spiderman 3! It’s a photo of me shitting myself. You see, the hard part’s isn’t the initial jump, it’s actually letting go from the swing that’s difficult!

(above) Al, Aka monkey boy.

See me smiling? This is my look of relief when I finally came off!

After a few hours of swinging and beer drinking we decided to call it a day and floated for another few hours back to the town. The next few days we didn’t do anything but drink and relax. We did go tubing again though only this time we decided to jump off the highest point into the water instead of using the swing. Never, ever in my life have I done anything as scary as this! It took me a while to jump but I did, hurting my face and chest from the impact but I did feel a sense of accomplishment!

As you can see, I fell through my tube coming towards a bar.. Everyone laughed. Doh!

On the 3rd, we arrived in Vientiene after a rather easy, if not hot 4 hour bus ride. It still amazes me how much they piss about here. No form of transport ever drives off until they’ve crammed every last person they can find on! They even placed some chairs on the middle aisle in between the seats to fit more people on. Crazy.

Vientiene is the capital of Laos but it’s absolutely dead here! There’s nothing to do and nothing to see. There are various temples of importance around the city but to be honest, i can’t be arsed with seeing any more temples.. I’ve seen hundreds so far and I’m sick of them. I will see some in Cambodia though in Angkor Wat which is probably one of the most impressive sights in South east asia which is where i’ll be heading in a week.

4th March.. Well well, I’m finally up to date with the blog and I’m writing this in real time dear lucky reader! It’s currently 36 degrees with 35 per cent humidity. The only reason I thought I’d write this blog today was because this internet place is air conditioned! We slept in a room last night for the first time with air conditioning which I thought would be luxury but it blasted cold, mould infested air around the room and leaked all over the floor. I may very well contract legionnnaires disease so I don’t know how many more blogs I’ll be able to write! I’ll be heading back up north tomorrow or further down south. I haven’t decided yet but that’s the beauty of travelling.. I can do what I want!! hehe. x

That’s On in the middle by the way!

We spent several hours on a minibus to the border where we met two Irish girls who we eventually travelled through Laos with, Sarah and Rachael! There were 3 Israeli guys on the bus also who were the biggest assholes on earth and they seemed to shadow us on our travels. We didn’t like them and they didn’t like anyone..

At the Thai/Laos border you can see Laos just across the Mekong river. We went across the border with no problems and took a boat to the other side. We met our guide there called Mr information who taught us some Lao phrases which we’ll need - hello, thank you and goodbye! That’s 1 phrase more than we learned in Thailand in a month! Excellent. It is funny that a country so close at the border speaks a totally different language although you can see some similiarities.. Sawahdee Khap for saying hello in Thai, Sahbaidee for hello in Laos..

First thing that strikes you about Laos is the currency. The Laos People’s Democratic Republic is a communist state and is as you’d expect poor and generally f***ed over. The currency is Kip and 1 pound roughly translates to 18,000 kip in demoninations of 1000’s 2000’s, 5000’s, 20000’s and 500000’s so you can imagine everyone’s suprise when they exchanged a couple of quid to find they were millionnaires! I could barely close my wallet and I only exchanged a tenner!

We stayed in the border village of Huay Xia for the night, waiting for the next day when we’d take our slow boat into Luang Prabang

We boarded our slow boat at 9 am the next day and whilst the seating looked uncomfortable like tiny church pews, we thought we’d be able to cope because at least we had a seat each to ourselves.. or so we thought. 20 minutes after we were due to depart another 80 odd travellers piled on and only then did we set off. Albeit in rather cramped seats!

After 9 excruciatingly long hours, we finally arrived at.. Pakbeng, a stopover village for the evening although I think it should be called Rogue town. This town looked so dirty and dodgy with people trying to extort money from the travellers off the boat by taking their bags up the hill from the river and demanding money for it! Luckily it didn’t happen to me as I grabbed my bag from some 9 year old scrote whilst still inside the boat. Cheeky little bugger! There were agents trying to get you to go to their guesthouses and people selling opium and weed. I even heard that the kids were dealers too. The town was run on a massive generator which turned off about 11pm. We stayed in a scummy guest house with rat droppings on the bed.. luxury. Not feeling content with leaving my valuables in the room I decided to take them with me whilst we went out for a meal and some drinks. When we got back we discovered that someone had broken in and stolen Al’s mobile phone, kindly leaving his sim card on the floor along with his camera and ipod! The robber must’ve either been a dumbass or we must have interrupted him and he fled. We’d originally locked the door with a padlock but it turns out that someone had conveniently left a window shutter to the room open. When we opened the shutter we were a bit creeped out to find that there was a derelict room right next door! Anyways, considering all that happened we were knackered and slept soundly. zzzz

The next morning we got onto our slow boat for another 9 hours of fun only to find that this one had luxury seats! Only problem was that we were late and we got the crappy ones again. Oh fucking joy! We arrived 9 hours later in Luang Prabang where the cheapest guesthouse we could find was 100,000 kip a night which is probably the most expensive place we’ve stayed.. and not the best! The country may be poor but it’s expensive. A lot of the goods that come into the country are usually over-inflated in price and little profit is made. We read about how most people in Laos live off $300 a year and live off less than a dollar a day with 8-10 people living in a room. Makes you realise how lucky you really are, eh?
Luang Prabang is a nice place but it stinks of tourism and between you and me dear reader - we haven’t really gone off the beaten track that much during our travels so this place is not really that much different! I suppose Chiang Mai was the least touristy place we’ve been so far and one of my favourites. Luang Prabang is just full of western styled restaurants. There’s even a cinema there where we watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, me and Al have talked about this film non stop for nearly 2 and a half years so we were delighted to finally see it again!

We went out on one of the nights and feeling altogether braver after our whiskey experience in Thailand, bought a bottle of export strength vodka. This time we had a bottle to share between 4 people rather than 2 as we met up with some Irish girls who we met back in Thailand on the minibus to Laos! We got a bit pissed and discovered that everywhere closes for the curfew at 11pm. This has something to do with the monks and people who work getting up early every morning at about 6 am where they’d collect alms for the poor. The only place that was left open was a bowling alley in the middle of nowhere! We got a bit freaked out when we got there, expecting a grass lane with a few skittles but it was a 6 lane electronic bowling alley!

The following day we took a cheap tuk tuk to the nearby waterfalls, a real place of beauty and tranquility. We bargained the price down and felt guilty after driving for over an hour to the falls (don’t worry reader, we tipped him afterwards) The waterfalls here were probably the best we’ve seen so far. The water reflected in each of the pools was an azure blue colour but when it washed over the rocks you could see how clean it was. We walked halfway up the falls and took some photos and then we went for the most refreshing swim I’ve ever had. The temperature outside must’ve been about 35!

After swimming and jumping off waterfalls for about an hour we set off back, feeling the cleanest we’d ever been! It soon wore off though after the 1 hour journey back along dusty trails.

The last night we went to watch Father Ted at the cinema place again. There was a wedding next door and the owner of the cinema invited us over. We were only too happy to oblige so we went over and found that this massive excuse for a piss up wasn’t the wedding, it was merely a wedding warmup. The wedding would be tomorrow! Tia, the guy from the cinema explained to us that it was Lao custom to dance if you were invited to so, we went and danced! I thought I’d be able to break out some of my moves but it turns out that they have a traditional dance where you have to kinda flap your hands about in front of you. Oh well.. at least we had beer! One of the guys gave us some Lao whiskey (moonshine) which must’ve helped. I had a cold that day, god knows where it came from in 30 degrees of heat but it made me feel rough enough to have an early night..

We boarded the train in Bangkok and settled in for our 14 hour journey to Chiang Mai. Fortunately for us the two fellas who were sleeping in the berths beneath us were fellow Brits and keen on making the journey more pleasurably through alcohol consumption. Nick and Dave proved to be hardy companions, drinking the entire cabins supply of Singha and providing Andy and I with witty banter and many a card game.

Come eleven o’ clock, the rest of the coach had tired of our noisy antics and we hit the sack. Waking the next morning and wondering why I’d been freezing all night, I realised that we’d paid for an aircon coach and not fan. Dumbass. School-boy error that should have been avoided. Ho hum.

Arriving fairly early in Chiang Mai we set about getting our bearings. The city centre is confined to a 1 mile square surrounded on all sides by either a wall, a moat, or both. Turns out, some King dude set up Chiang Mai as his seat in the 13th Century. This wall and moat provided the defence for the city. The place is full of temples, and has some pretty ornate buildings too, but mostly run-of-the-mill overnight concrete wonders. It’s pretty lively and there’s always something going on. Only a few hours after arriving, Andy and I caught the end of a three-day flower festival in the southwest of the city. After a stroll through the park and a solid meal of fried chicken and sticky rice (a northern specialty in Thailand) we headed back to the guesthouse and readied for the evening.

Some of the awesome local food.

One thing that attracts many visitors to Chiang Mai city is the night bazaar. It’s quite simply massive and dirt cheap. Unfortunately the bloated tourist prices can cause problems for the ill-prepared and the constant rattle of bangles carried by faux tribes-women can drive you insane. These stalls seem to sell all of the same crap that they sell at any other stall in Thailand. Some of it is quite nice, but there’s only so many times you can tell a dude “No. I’m not interested in buying a large, hand-carved elephant”.

So nearing the end of day one, and being true to form, Andy returned to the guest-house for a shower and I went in search of beer. I ended up at Rasta Bar talking to fella named Boy. He was quite keen on designing the new tattoo I’ve been thinking about. Alas, our time in Chiang Mai would be too short lived to have it done, so we scoured the city for the lively haunts. I woke the next day with a Changover, so I’m assuming we were successful in our search.

The next day we went looking for a trek through the outskirts of Thailand, which is the main reason why travellers come up to Chiang Mai. Speaking with the travel agent, On, who was to become a good friend and our sole provider of outings and discounted entertainment in Chiang Mai, we booked a 3-day trek through the hills of Wiang Haeng near the Burmese border in Mae Hong Son province. And at a good price too. Upon leaving the agents we bumped into a lovely lady called Ditte from Denmark. She’d being toying with the idea of a day trip to one of the local landmarks but didn’t enjoy the price tag much. She asked if we’d care to join, and since we had nothing better to do, and it’s only right to aid a lady in distress we gallantly replied “yeah awright”.

We jumped in the back of a Songthaew, a cross between a taxi and a bus, and headed for Doi Suthep, the most impressive temple in the region. They say that you can see all of Chiang Mai city from the mountain where Doi Suthep lies, but the pollution had other ideas that day, and we could barely see the horizon. Either way, the temple was pretty cool and the 300-odd steps up to the complex made it seem all the more grand. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but when you’ve seen one temple, you’ve seen them all.

After an hour of temple bashing, we sidled back down the mountain to grab a bite to eat. Exchanging stories and experiences, we were having a great time and decided that an evening soiree was on the cards. Cue beer. Now, in my defense, I wasn’t planning on going to another sex show, honestly your honour. Ditte was disappointed that she’d never been to such a place, claiming that she hadn’t the stones to go it alone either. Well, what could we say? We did the honourable thing and located the seediest dive in Chiang Mai and broke Ditte’s sex-show cherry with flare. We sampled two fine establishments and had a whale of a time, but when a dancer became very friendly with Ditte, she quickly became tired of the scene and favoured a more relaxed pace, and I was quite frankly relieved; the sex shows had not improved upon Bangkok’s prices or entertainment value. Oh yeah, and we also had time to fit in a foot massage and a spot of Muay Thai (Thai boxing) too. All in all a busy day.

Check out the Trekking in Wiang Haeng post for all that guff. Stick around here for more Chiang Mai shenanigans.

When we got back from the trek, a few of us met for some drinks on the night, as you do. Andy and I, with a party of 5 ladies, hit a few of the bars and drank the odd Chang or twelve. As the night progressed it turned out that they’d never been to a Go-Go bar before. And so it goes, blah blah blah, bikinis, blah, banana, blah, ping pong balls… Honestly, I was beginning to feel like a tour guide to these damn shows. I should charge! Well that’s the last time…no more. I’m no pimp!

Now then, feeling keen to move on from Chiang Mai, Andy and I returned to see On, our friendly travel agent and have a talk about Laos. We’ve since learnt that you can collect a Laos visa at the border, but at the time we thought we’d get one in advance, and a Vietnam one whilst we’re in the mood. The Vietnam visa takes a while, leaving Andy and I stranded in Thailand until the 21st Feb. Nuts.

It turns out that On was moving to a new office that same day, and in true Thai style she was celebrating by hosting a party complete with karaoke. Though we didn’t sing, we did attend and have a few Changs. Her husband, Peter I think, suggested that we kill our time in Chiang Mai by getting a couple of bikes and heading out of town and on the night we should escape the tourist infested city for the area surrounding the university, where all the the cool locals hang out in bars. Wasting no time, Peter gave us a lift to Ninmanhemin Rd. where several of the student hotspots could be found. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people crammed into a room before, not to mention how flawlessly turned out they all were. Throughout the whole night I think I spotted two non-Thai guys. We really had found the Thai night scene.

Well, it goes without saying that Andy and I returned to Ninmanhemin Rd. This time we explored a little more and found ourselves in a bar, whose name we couldn’t pronounce, and completely surrounded by young Thai folk. This time we really were the only white guys, and it felt pretty cool. You begin to ignore the odd stare, and the occasional snigger about your unnatural height and hair colour. Not wanting to stand out any more than we already did, we followed Thai suit when ordering the drinks and shot straight for the whiskey. As in many Asian countries, the way to drink with your mates is to gather around a table with a bottle of whiskey, a bucket of ice, and a few sodas. The bottle is then passed from person to person until its dead. Then you simply get another.

After nine-tenths of a 4 year old bottle of 100 pipers, Andy and I were rightly stewed. The night was still young so we wisely left behind the remaining one-tenth. We headed to Warm Up, where we’d been the night before and danced the night away. I had miraculously avoided a complete whiskey-wipeout, but Andy was not so fortunate. When he started dancing to Fifty Cent I knew we were in trouble. Within the space of seconds Andy’s face turned from a “whoa dude this is so much fun” to “time to go home”. And home we went. A good night me thinks…Andy was not so keen to comment the following morning.

Following the success/disaster of the whiskey night we started to look at alternative ways of spending our time in Thailand. So off to On’s we went in search of ideas. That idea was Pai.